Category Archives: Uncategorized

This is How You Train with a #BustedAnkle

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Remember back in November (GOSH that was a long time ago) when I did a dumb thing and my ankle ended up looking like this?

Not. Bueno.

Not. Bueno.

Well. It looks less like that now and more like a normal foot/ankle situation, albeit a little bit puffier than one would like. Two months of physical therapy later, and I’m still not allowed to run. Yet. My orthopedist made mention of “coming back to see [him] in a month if the ankle still isn’t better.” That was before Christmas.

For those of you that can count, Christmas was nearly a month ago. Ankle? Still not 100%. But, I’m waiting to make that appointment until my PT gives me a re-evaluation. (I really don’t want to have to do the surgery-thing. I want to avoid the surgery-thing as much as possible.)

Anyways. In trying to avoid the surgery-thing, my PT has me doing all sorts of fun things. Strengthening exercises, ultrasound, stim… and he’s cleared me cycle (THANK GOODNESS), do the elliptical, and walk briskly on the treadmill. So, I’ve headed back to the gym, with gusto, to continue to train and strengthen my sad ankle and try to stay in shape (a shape that isn’t a circle).

So, how do you workout with a sort-of busted appendage? Let me count the ways:

Cycle:

I’ve been spinning for about two years now and I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t one of my favorite things. I try to go at least three or four times a week. Lately, I’ve been going nearly every day. Because when my options are either spin or “walk briskly on the treadmill,” I’ll take spin every time. Not to mention the fact that it’s a great cardio workout and if you focus on form and power – it can be a great strength workout too. #quadzilla like whoa.

Spin is good for the soul.

Spin is good for the soul.

Weight Training:

I love lifting. Like, a lot. Because when you do it right, lifting weights burns a ton of calories, builds muscle, and works your whole body like crazy. I like to get in a session after a cardio workout, when I’m warmed up already. I haven’t been as disciplined about getting in the weight room in the last few months, and I’ve felt it. So, this month, I’ve made an effort to lift at least four times a week, and I feel SO much better.

Musclessssss. Sort of.

Musclessssss. Sort of.

Rowing:

Chick Vic is a real rower. I just like to hang out on the Concept2. This is a great upper body and core workout. And it doesn’t hurt my ankle which is an even better thing. I like to do this on days that I’m not spinning, because this wipes me out! Added bonus, if you row, you can be a cool cat like Frank Underwood:

Maybe I watch too much House of Cards...

Maybe I watch too much House of Cards…

I’m supposed to be cleared to run this week (I go back to my PT today), but in the event that I’m not, I’m going to ask about swimming. I haven’t been allowed to do that yet for fear of hyperextending my ankle, but now that it’s on the mend, I should be able to. Fingers crossed I get some good news today!

What are your favorite workouts? How have you coped with an injury? Because it’s just the worst.

The More You Know

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Since I’ve started this journey to find my fit self, I’ve learned many many things.  As a novice, I made mistakes.  I’ve carb-loaded with beer and macaroni and cheese.  I’ve ran a race in brand new shoes.  I’ve overestimated the length of my running shorts and skimped on the glide.  After running this weekend’s Disney Star Wars Half Marathon at Disneyland, I realized I’ve learned a few things.  I also realized, many things left to learn I have (Yep, I just Yoda’d you).

Channeling my inner Yoda (who sounds a lot like Meri).

Channeling my inner Yoda (who sounds a lot like Meri).

I can’t say I was feeling particularly confident.  You all know how serious I am about training (please note sarcasm) and I’ve been nursing a sore ankle since last February.  I’m beginning to think I’ve damaged it beyond repair because I’ve been waiting and waiting for it to get back to normal but it seems I’m stuck between 60-80%.  Also, once again, I’m having problems with my feet and shoes.  I’ve had a long lasting love affair with my Skora’s, but after last weekend’s Citrus Heritage 5K here in Riverside, I fear the sneaks have fallen out of favor. With only a week until the half, I was in no position to break in a new pair of shoes so I toughed it out at Star Wars.  Because that is my jam, yo.  As a toy collecting, merchandise wearing, video game playing fan, if anyone should participate in an Inaugural Star Wars themed race, it should be me.

Just a taste of my collection.

Just a taste of my collection.

Despite this business, Meri persuaded me to make a plan.  Plan you must, she said, like my own personal Jedi mentor.  So I decided to do intervals.  I mean, really do it.  Like actually stop when my phone tells me to.  And I went to bed early.  And I didn’t drink beer the night before and I got up early and ate a great, healthy snack and I wore comfortable clothes, including a pair of bright green compression socks courtesy of my chick and Star Wars roomie, Vic.  I biofreezed, KT taped, AND compressed my ankle.  And guess what?  I PR’d.  That’s right.  I never thought I cared about this until I actually beat myself.  Yes, it’s true, I love beating myself.  And now I feel like a whole new runner.  The more you know…

Screenshot 2015-01-19 15.13.06 (3)

I think I’m going to stick with this planning thing.  I bought new shoes today.  I know, I know, AGAIN?  But I went and had my feet evaluated because during that race yesterday, all I could think about was how if my feet would stop throbbing, this race would be amazing.  The race was amazing, the course was fantastic, the costumes divine, but my feet effing sucked.  So Brooks, you’ve worn me down, waited me out, and here I am, putting my poor flat feet into your big, ugly soles.  I also got orthotic inserts to try out and if they make a difference, I’m seriously considering having some customized ones made.  Something has to be done or I won’t be able to run much longer.  And we all know that CANNOT happen.  I can barely stand the fact I didn’t do the Rebel Challenge this weekend.  Every time I heard the clanging of medals yesterday, I was overcome with medal envy.  Imagine if I could never again feel that sweet victory ribbon heavy with determination hang around my neck.  No.  Race I must.  And so wear ugly shoes, I must.

20150119_144725

They’re not so bad, right? And I can cute them up with socks, right? RIGHT???

My Mission, Should I Choose to Write One

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Sometimes you hear exactly what you need to hear exactly when you need to hear it. Sometimes, even when you don’t know you need to hear it.

Today, I was sitting at my desk at work – you know, working, as you do – when my co-worker sent me a link to an article. We typically send each other things back and forth during the day. In the interest of being completely transparent with you, it’s usually Buzzfeed articles or celeb gossip.

But today, it was an article called “Creating a New Mission Statement”. Not our typical fare, to say the least. But I opened it and started to read it, and as I read it, I thought, “huh. This is exactly what I needed to read today.”

And not just today, but lately. For the last year or so. I’ve been pretty open about struggling with my body image on this blog. About how, after I stopped nursing Bug, I quickly gained the ten pounds that basically refuse to evacuate my body no matter what I do to it.

And, you know, continuing in the vein of being transparent, I haven’t been that nice to it. I’ve derided it. I’ve called it names. I’ve scoffed at its reflection in the mirror and called myself fat and stared at myself in windows as I walk down the street, thinking “you have really let yourself go, man.”

This is something I think about all the time.

Anyway, this article. This article is about the power of creating a personal mission statement. The article states that “in creating a mission statement, coaches say it is important to identify the underlying values that may motivate change rather than focusing on a single behavior.” When you tap into these values – the why and the what of your goal – you begin to understand intrinsically why it’s so important to you. “I want to be skinny again” isn’t digging deep, and that’s what I’ve been telling myself. That’s it. “I want to be skinny again.”

Well, that’s great. But why? Why am I so desperate to get back to this girl?


Ironically enough, this was the day I found out I was pregnant!

Ironically enough, this was the day I found out I was pregnant!

I don’t know. She is essentially the same girl I am now, except maybe a little happier.

So, I’ve decided to work on my mission statement. To dig deep and try to understand why I want to get “skinny” again. And maybe once I uncover all of it (which, to be honest, probably has to do with my looks tying in with self worth and people telling me I was beautiful when I was young and abunch of other self-esteem things that are way too crazy to get into here), it won’t even have anything to do with getting skinny again. Maybe it’ll have more to do with eating food that makes my body feel good. Or getting back into yoga because it calms my mind. Or doing bar method, because while I am in perma-FML mode while I’m doing it, I love it as soon as it’s over.

Maybe because it’s over.

Anyway.

As if that weren’t enough, the universe nudged me again today. I went on Tumblr earlier (kind of addicted, not even sorry) and was hit in the face with this:

image1

Working on it. We’ll see what happens. Hopefully I’ll be bringing my mission statement to you next post.

In the meantime, tell me what your mission statement is, or would be, or let’s just sing Bootylicious by Destiny’s Child. 

Shake out the Sugar

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When I was in college, a friend of mine had a post-it note on her campus card. It said one word: NO.

I remember asking her about it; she explained it was her way of reminding herself not to use her card to buy cookies. And it worked because that girl did NOT buy cookies.

Personally, I’m not a big fan of the word NO. It feels restrictive to me. Don’t tell me what I can’t do, tell me what I CAN do.

However… maybe a little restrictiveness could go the distance? Especially when it comes to food. Because I’ve gotta tell you, my pants are feeling a bit tighter than usual.

Self-control apparently went the way of the dodo during the month of December. And maybe a little bit of November too.

Okay, a lot of November.

I can’t even call them “holiday pounds” because these 8 pounds have been creeping on slowly over the fall/winter. I’m fully cognizant that when you don’t work out as much and “treat yo self” with goodies, your body says “Oh hey, I guess we need a little extra padding for the winter.”

We do not, body.

Kyle has had great success with the Whole 30 and it’s something I might consider in the future. For now, I’ve decided to try something a bit less restrictive than the Whole 30, yet still restrictive. Because apparently, I need some rules.

21daychallenge

I created the graphic, not the challenge. However, if you DO know who created the challenge, give me a shout!

This is happening. Not today though. Because tomorrow I head to Florida for a few days of quality time with BROOKE, and for the Disney World half marathon. Starting today would just be cruel and unusual punishment for everyone involved.

Therefore, I’ll be starting the No Junk Food Challenge on Monday, January 12th. And when I say challenge, it’s definitely going to be because we have things like this in the house…

candy

We “won” this movie basket. Oy!

The candy won’t be my biggest issue though. Oh, no no. My biggest vice is/has/and always will be ice cream. That will be the main challenge of the challenge. Also, not listed but something I’ve added in is alcohol. And that, will be a challenge because I like to enjoy wine with my dinner.

Apparently, I’m a creature of habit because I posted this exactly a year ago.

Meridith of a year ago knew what she was talking about and Meridith of today will be following the same mindset!

  • More water, less bazillion calorie drinks.
  • More homecooked, less takeout. More veggies, less cookies. Smaller meals throughout the day and smarter choices.
  • More movement, less non-movement.

When I put my mind to something and give myself parameters, I can and I will thrive! And so, it’s with that knowledge and a bit of restrictiveness that I move forward for the next month. Let’s see where I land! I’ll be checking in (accountability is a beautiful thing).

Bec and Brooke are joining me for this challenge. The more the merrier so if you’d like a couple of accountability partners, give a shout in the comments!

If you see me in Florida this weekend, and I happen to be eating ice cream, drinking wine, and trying a cronut for the first time (that’s not technically a donut – see totally starting early!), please try not to judge me too harshly. Also, come say hello and we can share!

What’s your game plan for the next 21 days? Have you ever tried a cronut? (I’m slightly intrigued by this phenomena but not really a donut person so I’m not sure I’ll like it.) Who should I look for at the Walt Disney World marathon weekend?

New Year, New Me?

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So, guess what the most popular New Year’s Resolution is this year.

Lose Weight

And guess what the most popular New Year’s Resolution was last year.

Lose Weight

And guess what New Year’s Resolution I’ve made every year for the last as long as I can remember.

Yeah, you guessed it. Lose Weight.

If you’ve been anywhere near the internet the last few days, you’ve probably seen posts all over the place. ‘These are my resolutions’, or ‘I don’t make resolutions, but these are my goals’, or ‘resolutions and goals are the same thing, and I don’t make either’. I’ve seen a lot of posts, just about the new year in general.

I have a semi complicated relationship with New Year’s Resolutions, and New Year’s in general, that I’m guessing a lot of people can relate to. The intelligent part of my brain knows that there is no special magic to the dawn of a new year, nothing that will make it so that where there was no willpower before, there is now plenty to spare, no real truth behind the idea that somehow when the clock strikes midnight, everything will be different, you will be different, I will be different.

And yet…

Every year, even knowing all of those things, I make resolutions, tell myself that this is the year, that 20__ (or 19__ because hey, I’m old) is going to go down in my personal history as ‘when it all changed’. And years of doing this, and feeling like this, and having it most decidedly not turn out like this, has never really done much to deter me from making those same resolutions the next year. Heck, I’m pretty sure my list last year looked a lot like this:

Lose Weight

Eat Healthy

Exercise More

Save Money

Etc, etc, etc

But, 2014 and I were not the best of friends. Heck, 2014 and I were, at times, mortal enemies. And while I definitely worked on those things, I wouldn’t look at any of those goals and check of the ‘accomplished’ box next to them. The best thing I can say about 2014 is that it’s over.

unnamed

So, time to make some resolutions? Not really. Not the same way, anyway.

This year is different. I am different. Or I’m working on being different, I guess. I mean, are those all things that I would like to happen this year? Sure. I think those are very common things that a lot of people want, New Year’s Resolutions that a lot of people made this year. And I’ll work on making those things happen in some fashion. But in terms of making resolutions, I made just one.

63755_10152898693932159_4513899638722873968_n

 

That’s it. To be happy. In the moment happy. Happy with myself, just the way I am, right now, happy. Happy with my life because it is amazing happy. Happy about the incredible family and friends I have happy. Happy because I have so damn much that how can I not be happy happy. Happy about the endless possibilities that come with being happy happy.

It’s so little. To be happy. But really, it’s so much.

2015 is here and I’m so happy about that. New year, new me.

Do you make New Year’s Resolutions? What are yours? 

 

 

The Joy Hangover

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Here’s me being honest: this time of year is a little depressing for me. I’m not sure why. Is it the Christmas decorations still hung up despite the fact that presents have been long-opened and people are crowding into airports, on their way back home after some quality cozy (or maybe crazy) time with extended family? There’s all of this anticipation, this celebration and glitter and family and presents and gratefulness and sometimes a lot of alcohol, and then it’s just done. I mean, yes, it happens every year and it’s wonderful every year, but I think this is what a joy hangover feels like.

Bye, Christmas trees, you are no longer needed.

Bye, Christmas trees, you are no longer needed. (source)

And then, of course, there’s New Year’s. Let me just be honest (I’m making a habit of it) and say that nostalgia is my kryptonite. If I read a book where nostalgia is involved, or watch a movie where nostalgia is involved, or think about my own instances of nostalgia, I’m a goner. So a holiday where the entire point is to think about what the last year has brought you, how you’re leaving it behind, and planning for future greener pastures? Dunzo. I can’t listen to Auld Lang Syne without getting extremely weepy.

Maybe that’s why I’m feeling a little melancholy right now, on top of my joy hangover. The week that stretches between Christmas and New Year’s sometimes feels like a bated breath, or a pause in my life’s movie. Where I’m still living, of course (because, hello, 2-year-olds wait for no man) but at the same time stuck between the year I just lived and the year I’m about to dive headlong into.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what 2015 will bring me, with this weird mix of optimistic expectation and trepidation. 2014 was filled with a lot of new things: new job, new friends, and new places visited, which was a particularly big milestone for me. I never, ever thought I’d get to see Paris, because that required a 12-hour flight over the freakin’ ocean, and no thanks. Except…actually, yes please. It was amazing. Eye-opening. Weirdly liberating, to cast off a preconceived notion about myself (no, Jess, you could never travel internationally. You couldn’t handle it, etc. and so forth).

Yep, I was totally here. At the Eiffel Tower.

Actually in Paris.

I am ACTUALLY. IN. PARIS in this picture.

In this week of suspension and with this tentative new bravery, with all of this change still looming in my rear view mirror, I wonder what 2015 will bring me. Good things, I hope. Probably some flip-side-of-the-coin things, because that’s life, after all.

So, as much as I hate goodbyes – man, I really hate goodbyes – I’m saying it to 2014: You were great, 2014. Nice knowing you. See you never again, unless time travel becomes a thing. And when January 1st comes, I’ll wake up in this new year, press the play button, and go.

How was your holiday season? Big plans for New Year’s? Do you get the Christmas week ennui too? Talk to me in the comments! 

Chick Chat: Hey Santa!

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In case it’s not readily apparent from reading this blog, you should know that we all adore each other. When you get a few of us in a room together, there’s an awful lot of hugging and smiling and giggling. And inappropriate jokes, just saying.

But, since we don’t really get a chance to get together for the holiday, we like to do a litttle Chick Secret Santa Exchange. And by ‘secret’, I mean we spend most of the time trying to figure out who has who. Or maybe that’s just me? It probably is just me!

So, without further ado, I present our holiday lovefest!

Bec

I was so excited when I got Jess in the Secret Santa exchange. Jess is the West to my East. We have a history of long, LONG, emails and a shared love of bacon. But when it came time to actually shop for Jess, I got a little stumped. It wasn’t that I couldn’t think of anything, more that I thought of too many things! In the end, I picked out a stacking set of mugs that I hope will remind Jess of her trip to a city that is as gorgeous as she is <3

Jess

Cam

I was paired up with Kyle this year and I know she’s been focused on getting that ankle of hers healed.  I wanted to send her some good vibes, literally!  I opted for a lava rock and Tiger Eye bracelet from Heal Meow and a little bottle of Serenity Doterra Oil.  Lava beads are made from volcanic rock.  They’re grounding and balancing but provide strength and courage.  They also absorb oils, perfect for getting a whiff of Serenity all day long.  Tiger Eye is a protective stone that promotes commitment, focus, self-worth, luck, balance and strength. Plus, it sounds pretty badass which is perfect for this badass chick.
Kyle

Jenn

What do you get a marathoner and Oiselle team runner for Christmas? Yeah, I didn’t know either. I mean, of course Vic would have EVERYTHING needed for running; she’s been in the sport for a while now. Necessities were out of the question. So when I got to the Boulder Running Company, I asked the very helpful sales woman to show me the luxury! She RAVED and RAVED about the headbands from Smart Wool. Once I touched one, I fell in love, too. They were soft, sleek, and came in several pretty colors and patterns. Considering where Vic lives and runs, I decided this would be the perfect lux gift for my new New England runner friend. After all, you can never have too much cold gear, especially in upstate NY.

Vic gift

Jess

I chose this cozy scarf/wrap for Jenn for a few reasons. Firstly, she lives in chilly Colorado, and who doesn’t want to be all warm and adorable in cold weather (though I suspect she is regardless)? Secondly, the beautiful pattern – which unfortunately you can’t see very well in this picture – reminded me of something she’d wear and like. And thirdly, I’m just obsessed with Zara scarves and am the happy owner of several. I’m more than happy to pass my obsession on to Jenn and hope she enjoys it!

Jenn

Kyle

I won’t lie. I was SUPES EXCITED when I found out Meri was mine. For lots of reasons (you know, she’s wonderful, hilarious, amazeballs… all of that) but mostly I was excited because I knew EXACTLY what she was getting. Immediately.

You see, Meri and I have a few things in common. Like me, she lives on coffee. Also like me, she has an affinity for breakfast foods. And yet again like me, she loves her some Leslie Knope. So clearly, she NEEDED this gift in her life. Literally the best mug ever.

Mer Kyle Gift

Mer

In the fall of 2012 I traveled to Bec’s house for a girl’s weekend of fun. Jenn, Cam and myself descended on Bec’s house, ate her food, drank her wine, and made ourselves at home in her daughter’s room (full of One Direction posters). Oh yeah, we did a Superhero 5k too! While we were there, we were on the search for TOMS for Bec. We went to various stores looking for the perfect shoes but alas, came away empty-handed.

That’s why when I saw this TOMS blanket (at Target, natch), I knew that it had to belong to Bec. We spent many hours hanging out on her couch, watching movies such as Mean Girls and Grease 2. I envision her wrapped up in this blanket, watching movies, and pretending it’s a hug from ME.

Bec

Vic

For the second straight year, I got Cam!

I went shopping looking for baking-related items, because I know Cam loves to bake. Nothing jumped out to me, so I turned to Ragnar. Then I thought, Cam likely already has anything and everything Ragnar one could ever want.

So I decided to buy something for Cam that she would never buy herself – an Alex and Ani bracelet that signifies “beginnings.”

Cam’s life has changed drastically since I first met her three-plus years ago. But rather than letting those challenges overwhelm her, Cam tackles them, head-on  – for her and for her children. It’s for that reason I thought this bracelet was perfect for my dear Cameroo!

And the shirt – it’s a slice of Rochester just for you! My local running store was selling the leftover race shirts on Black Friday and I snagged one for you with hopes to someday get you to my fair city! (Plus I really liked the design this year!)

And you know what this means, Cam. Third year’s the charm. So start dropping hints now. You know I can’t actually ask you what you want once cyber Santa pairs us up again.

Cam

 

From our little Scootadoot family to yours, happiest of holidays <3

 

Holidaze

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Let’s crunch some numbers, shall we?

Days until Christmas – 6

Shopping Days Until Christmas – 4. Or 5, but only if you are completely insane

Deadline for Christmas Eve Delivery with Amazon Free Shipping – 18 hours (but who’s counting)

Percentage of Christmas Presents Bec has purchased – Ummmm, maybe 50%

Percentage of Christmas Presents Bec has wrapped – Is 0 a percent?

Number of Christmas Cards Bec has sent – 0

Number of Christmas Cookies Bec has baked – 0

Number of Christmas Cookies Bec has eaten – Let’s not go there, hmmm.

Expected temperature in the Boston Area on Christmas Eve – 51 degrees (my face, you guys)

Amount of holiday spirit Bec has – 0 is definitely a percent.

Maybe it’s the short amount of time between Thanksgiving and Christmas, but basically, I’m feeling all of the rush, all of the pressure, all of the stress… and not much of the love.

I don’t like this! I usually LOVE Christmas, especially the big day of cookie baking, which I didn’t even plan this year. But my schedule has just been too crazy. The entire family has been sick on and off, work is a little crazy, the kids have swimming at various daily intervals and time is just flying by and now it’s LESS THAN A WEEK. What???

And it’s warm. Okay, it’s not warm, but for almost winter in New England, it’s WARM. It’s just doesn’t feel like Christmas.

Am I the only one who just isn’t feeling it this year?  Have you had a holiday season like this?

The other day, Chick Jenn posted some awesome tips for a crazy busy holiday season, and I will totally be pulling those out the next time I have one of those packed holidays, at the very least, the Wassail.

But what about a holiday season that isn’t so much busy as it is just…meh. Any ideas for that? Here’s what I’m planning this weekend to help me get into the spirit!

Do Good

I challenged the kids at Thanksgiving to come up with a charity that they wanted to support this holiday season. They talked about it and agreed (MOM WIN) on Toys for Tots. So, we’ll be dropping off some toys at the fire station tomorrow. Do you have a special holiday charity that you do?

Get it Done

Come Sunday evening, the shopping, both food and gift, will be done. So it is written…  Seriously, I think having so little done is seriously crushing my holiday mojo.

Something Sweet

Even though we aren’t doing a big day of cookie baking, I will at least make a couple batches of my Great Grandmother’s Sugar and Spice cookies. They are my absolute favorite, and they taste like Christmas!

Remind Myself

My sure-fire cure for the holiday meh is Frank Capra’s It’s a Wonderful Life. Since none of the family has anything going on tonight (!!!!), we’re going to cuddle on the couch and watch, and I’m going to let George Bailey remind me just how wonderful it is.

If you’re feeling the holiday meh, what are you doing to turn it around? And if you’re heavy on the holiday spirit, do you have any tips for Bec? 

 

This is 40?

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A year ago, I wrote a post about being a year out from my 40th birthday. It feels like I wrote that yesterday. But yesterday, I actually did turn 40, so apparently, an entire year has passed. I don’t even know how that happened, but the older I get, the faster time seems to go.

That post was all about plans for the year, ways to get healthy. I didn’t really do any of them. If I’m being honest, I forgot most of them as soon as I finished writing the post. This year passed, like so many others, in a blur. There are moments that stand out, good times and bad that will ultimately define this year in my memory, but the year leading up to 40 was no more significant than turning 40 itself. I tend to idealize moments, think that when I hit a certain point, things will be magically different. I had this idea that at 40, I would somehow have everything together, be this paragon of maturity and grace, the perfect picture of modern working motherhood. And I guess I sort of was?

At the exact moment I turned 40 years old, 4:26PM yesterday, I was in the middle of picking up both kids at school/daycare, wishing I’d taken the day off from work, and jamming to Ariana Grande on the radio. And then the moment was gone, slipped by, and it wasn’t noteworthy, except to note that it’s pretty indicative of my life. And it’s a good life. A really good life.

In terms of where the plans for the past year went…

Weight loss? There was none. Well, there was some but not for more than a minute, and I’m roughly in the same place I was last year. It’s okay. I’ll get there. I don’t know when. I don’t know how. But I’ll get there.

Running? Nope. That half marathon didn’t happen, couldn’t happen, and there hasn’t been any running since then either. It’s okay. I’ll get there. Or I’ll decide that isn’t where I want to go, and I’ll get somewhere else.

General health and happiness? Sometimes? I don’t stop and enjoy the little things enough. I spend too much time on the internet. I let anxiety get the best of me. I beat myself up for bad choices. I worry, even though I know worrying won’t change the outcome of things. I think, far too much, about where I should be, instead of embracing where I am.

It’s okay, I’ll get there.

I woke up today, my first full day of being 40, and I felt… exactly the same as I did yesterday. Except that I have a whole new decade stretching out ahead of me until the next big birthday, and it just feels full of possibility. What will my 40s be? What will I make them?

I have no idea. Well, I have a lot of ideas, but right now, they’re all sort of swirling around in my head like confetti dropped into a wind tunnel. They are idea-lets, none of them fully formed.  Eventually, the wind will die down, and it will be the time of making lists and making plans and making decisions. And I will. And it will be okay. And I will get there.

But for now, I’m off to spend some much needed girl time with my bffl. Coffee and shopping and giggling somewhere, because we are us and that just sort of happens.

 

And then later, I’ll pick up the kids while jamming to Jason Derulo, and be glad I took today off.

And it’s Friday, so we’ll get take out and maybe go to the mall.

And tomorrow morning, I’ll drive my son to swimming and my daughter to her job and I’ll go grocery shopping.

And I’ll take a minute here and there to look around, to soak it in, to remember.

 

This is 40.