I’m in a weird place with running lately. If we were Facebook official, our status would be “it’s complicated.” This is not to say that my relationship with running has ever been easy. I’ve always been honest with myself – and hopefully with all of you – that it’s not something I love to do. I don’t like to get sweaty or out of breath. I usually feel like I’m slogging through mud rather than actually running. But the reward of getting done with a run – the sense of accomplishment, the racking up of miles, the being done – was enough to get me out there on a regular basis.
That hasn’t been the case lately. And I keep saying “lately” when really I mean the last year and a half, maybe even longer. I can count on both hands the number of times I’ve been on a run since Bug came into my life nearly a year ago. Before he was born, I told myself I would run a half marathon by the time 2013 came to an end. I completely meant it at the time, and yet Mister Jess is running a half on December 29th and I will not be joining him. So, 2013 will have come and gone without me running a half marathon, or really running much at all.
I am okay with being honest about this with all of you. I want to be honest. I want you to know that I sometimes struggle to talk here, because I don’t know what to say. There is not much exercise happening with me, although my life is moving at warp speed: I am a full-time employee, a full-time wife, a full-time mom. I am rushing from thing to thing, from person to person, place to place to place. The small amounts of time I have left are patched together and used on things for myself so that I can unwind, not think. Running is not one of those things for me.
Someday, I hope that I can find even a piece of the passion my fellow Scoot ladies have for it. They inspire me to want it, even though I don’t right now. I hope that someday I love what running does for me (though I will never love being sweaty). I sure do love the idea of it: the simplicity of it, the strange zen of it, the community. I haven’t ever experienced a sense of community with anything else like I have with running. Yes, it’s a one-person sport, but it’s far from solitary.
In the meantime, I hope you will all be patient with me while I clod along here, sometimes struggling for words that will resonate with you. And even if I’m never really a runner, I will always, always be a cheerleader, to the dear friends I write with here and to all of you who read and comment and give us your time.
Have you ever gone through a running rut? How did you get out of it?