How’s It Going, Bec?

Well, since you asked…

I’ve been meaning to post a status update of sorts for a while. You know, the skinny (or not so skinny) on how things have been since I rejoined Weight Watchers, if the foot is healed, how the gradual walking to C25K to eventual half marathon running training plan is working out, how I’m enjoying the beautiful summer weather.

But every time I sat down to write said progress update post, it wound up reading a bit like this.

I’m still fat*. 

My foot hurts. 

That half is so far away, I’ve got plenty of time. 

Oh, I’m slightly less fat**! Oh wait, nevermind, I’m the same amount of fat again. 

Why is Massachusetts hotter than the face of the sun? 

Does anyone remember why I wanted to run a half marathon again? I forget. 

God, I’m fat***. I wish I had a cookie. 

I’ll never run again. Stupid foot, I loathe you. 

Oh, cookies! I love cookies! 

Walk? In this humidity? ARE YOU INSANE? 

You know what is awesome in the humidity? ICE CREAM. WITH COOKIES. 

So, while all very true things that I have said, out loud, over the past few months, they don’t exactly make for scintillating blog post reading. But at the end of the day, that has been the state of this particular union.

I don’t want to write one of those posts where I swear to you, and to me, and to everyone in the universe that THIS TIME is the time, that starting now, everything will change. You say those things too often, and I do, they start to sound cheap and hollow. I have, however, starting to realize some things about myself, so I figured I’d share those. with you.

I avoid things that are uncomfortable. Confrontation, weigh-ins I know won’t be in my favor, exercise (especially in the heat), any type of food restriction. 

I am a complete creature of habit. I don’t fear change, but I find the action of changing uncomfortable, so… see above. 

I am a sheep (baaaaa, Jess). I started running because all of my friends were running. I’m not even sure I like running. (There was a time when I was pretty sure I loved running, even though I agree with Jess that is is boring as all get out). A huge part of the reason I want to run a half marathon is because all my friends have. I don’t think that is the best reason, and I don’t think it’s enough to get me across the finish line. 

I kind of like being fat****. Okay, no. I don’t like being fat. But I understand being fat. It is what I know. I have functioned this was for years. Anything that strays from this is change, and thus uncomfortable, and thus… see above. 

I really like cookies.

So, it turns out this is one of those rambly posts that sort of goes nowhere. But I think those are okay sometimes? I don’t know, I’ve had a lot on my mind and it feels good to unload some of it.

If you’re curious, the actual status update is that I’m down 1.6 pounds since rejoining Weight Watchers (at week two, there was another 1 at the front of that number), the foot is better but not completely, walking happens when it happens, and I loathe the humidity more than I can talk about.

*Don’t freak out, it’s just a word.

** Seriously, I’m not being all self loathing over here. Just a word, not a weapon.

***Fat. I’m fat. I’m talking about myself, so that pretty much makes it okay to say ‘fat’. But if you want to call me fat, that’s fine too.

****Fatty fatty fat fat 🙂

 

23 thoughts on “How’s It Going, Bec?

  1. Always moving forward. We cannot change what we did yesterday, we can only be cognizant today and plan for tomorrow. xo

  2. Oh my god I just had these maple cookies from trader joe’s that were amazing and went through the cycle of “I’m so damn fat but if I’m going to be fat anyway, give me another cookie.”

    You’ll pull it together and eventually find what makes you happy or as my favorite yoga video instructor says, you’ll “find what feels good” and go with it. And as they say in Disney, “there’s a great big beautiful tomorrow!” I don’t know the rest of it because I usually want to punch him in the face by the end of the song.

    • I KNOW THOSE COOKIES. Goodness, they are heaven.

      I’m definitely working on finding what feels good 🙂

  3. The grocery chain here makes these amazing chocolate chocolate chip CAKE cookies. Yes, CAKE cookies. I crave them and yet I manage to pass them by every time I’m at the store.

    And it’s because I’m seeing results and noticing how my body is getting in shape due to running. It’s so much easier to stick to a routine and be motivated to work out and not give into cookies when you start seeing the fruits of your efforts. Patience, Bec! You can do anything you want if you want it badly enough. Maybe running isn’t your path, but there’s something out there you love and maybe just don’t know it yet. <3

  4. Bec, you may familiar with the quote that a friend sent me a few days ago. I think we all can relate to this at one time or another:

    “We change when the pain to change is less than the pain to remain as we are.”–Ed Foreman

  5. Girl. I think I love you.

    #mypeople

    Run the damn half and who knows you might find yourself running like 11 more because your friends are. 😉

    • SAME. We are totally each other’s people.

      My friends are crazy! But I want to be crazy too…lol

You’ve heard my thoughts! Would love to hear yours here.