Today, I did this.
Pat my fucking head, would you?
Shape Diva Dash was awesome. It was hard. It was torture in some places. It was fun. It was challenging. It was an experience that I’m glad to have had, and I got to have it with Heather, who rocked it.
On this hilly, sweaty, humid run, I had time to think. A lot of time. 1:17:56.94, to be exact. (That’s 25:59 per mile, my worst race pace ever, and I’m proud as fuck of it. And, I didn’t take the bail out on a single obstacle, not even the ones that scared the shit out of me.)
I kept something in my head all day.
“I know that slow and steady isn’t always as much fun but apparently it wins races. Or something.” – Meridith
I may not have finished first, but I finished, and that’s a win in my book. Thanks, Mer.
But, all this thinking, and walking (there was minimal running), helped me to remember some things I’d forgotten, things I desperately needed to remember.
Full post here.
Six Months Later…
It’s funny, I don’t remember feeling accomplished. I don’t remember feeling good about the fact that I finished. All I remember is feeling like that was my lowest, weakest point since I started running. I look back at that post and I know that was my attempt at a brave face.
There are things I didn’t write in that post. I didn’t mention that when I was in the woods (as much of this run was), I remember thinking “If I pass out in here, how the hell are they going to get me out?’ I didn’t mention that near the end, the paramedics pulled me aside and asked if I was okay.
I was not okay. I mean, I wasn’t going to have a heart attack like they seemed to think I might, but I was most definitely not okay.
And I didn’t mention that there was a moment on that course where I truly gave up. I finished the race because I had to get back to the parking lot, because there was no other option, but that race marked the end of my being a runner last year. After that, I wouldn’t run again when I restarted C25K this year. That day was a massive hit straight to my pride.
So, this week, I did something that I swore I wasn’t going to do until I’d completed the Couch to 5K training program.
I signed up for a race. Two races, actually.
But, I also signed up for the Boston Diva Dash again.
Some part of me needs this. I need to recreate that experience as a positive. I need to train and be ready and race and know what THAT feels like. I need run by the paramedics and have them not even give me a passing glance.
I need to get my pride back.
And I can do it. I really can.
But… I’m scared, man. Really scared.
P.S. If you don’t mention the fact that there is no mention of runs this week because there were no runs this week, I won’t either. Except that I just did. We’ll get back to that next week. Because I have a race to train for.